Have you ever planned your life according to how you wanted it to go? Or thought by 20, 30, 40, 50 yrs old, I will have this, I will have that? Yes? Well me too! Life has its way of crashing the party, interrupting our own plans, our to-do lists, and our goals. Now… are goals, and to-do lists, wrong? No! All of those are great, but when our plans haven’t considered what God has for our life? Then yes, it can be really wrong and actually hinder areas in your life! I’ll explain why later. Recently in our bible study fellowship, we’ve been talking about how things happen because we have to be developed. When it comes to our plans & goals, there are certain things God wants to develop in us, first! Why? Because he wants our character to be developed, he wants us to not give up every time we have a challenge in life, he wants us to be developed so we can begin to speak like Christ, love like Christ, develop and make disciples like Christ, throughout our life! He desires for us to be in his will, there are so many people and places that are connected to our “Yes to his will!” 

As I thought about developing a little more, anything that has to be developed sometimes takes days, months, years, and decades to develop before the physical manifestation of what you’ve been working on comes to pass. Think about some of the most stunning historical churches in Rome, Italy, or Jerusalem. Can you imagine the hard work, tenacity, the years it took to build these buildings? The oldest church building in the world is still standing! That building has survived for centuries! Can you imagine the beginning stages? I’m sure back then, it took years and years to develop a building that would stand throughout generations. Can you think about all the hardships, that I want to quit, the challenges, and trying times they may have gone through to make structures like that? It’s the same for us. There are things in life God wants to develop in us! Sometimes it may appear to be the worst times, the most challenging times, but oh the reward of being developed and having the tenacity to withstand it all! What will the generations after you look like after you made a decision to be obedient to God’s plan and to be developed by God? Will you be willing to take the time and become developed? Or skip past what he’s trying to do in your life? Well, if you are like me, I’ll share when I tried to skip past a whole life’s assignment, because of the plans I thought were best for me.

After graduating from college I thought this should be the best time of my life! Well, it should be, right? Little did I know, the plans of me one day becoming an architect were interrupted by God. Now, what God has planned for another may be different from another’s journey. For me, I had to later come to a decision. Before I get to the decision I made, whew it was not easy! Before I had the idea of becoming an architect, I’ve always had a natural ability to work with youth, from 2yrs old to young adults. Like a youth magnet, I remember years ago, riding on the bus and purposely avoiding eye contact with little kids, cause they always wanted to interact with me, I’m talking about babies and all lol! It felt like everywhere I went, lived, had random jobs, and was always involving kids! So that’s my backstory before I majored in architecture technology. I majored in architecture because I’ve always had the gift to draw, I drew all my life, and I still have drawings from childhood that I’ve kept. Yes, I have no clue how those drawings have withstood almost 40yrs! So of course I’ll major in architecture, right? So that’s what I did. I took still-life classes, and I almost majored in interior design as a major before deciding on architecture. So let’s speed up to the day of graduation, I was feeling good, my hair looked good, fresh nails, and I sang the national anthem at my graduation too! Couldn’t tell me anything lol. So fast forward, now I’ve graduated, submitting applications until I’m blue in the face, wanting someone to take a risk on a newbie after graduation. I’ve had plans, and goals to be the first architect in the family, graduating with that major, I thought, hey, I’m guaranteed to get in this line of work, I’m two minorities in this field. I’m a woman and I’m African American, oh yes, I smell nothing but success and prestige. And…BAM! Reality hit!

The reality of my plans and my career goals were met with disappointment after disappointment. We’re not hiring email after email. I’ve never felt so disappointed about life! After not being able to land a job, I went into a secret depression. Nobody knew I was crying my eyes out almost every night, it felt like the carpet of plans I laid out, was ripped from right under my feet! I landed flat on my face of disappointment. You see all my life that I could think of, I’ve always been a positive person, able to laugh, be cheery and keep a smile on my face. During this time, it was the total opposite when I went to my apartment. I literally cried almost every night, pillow soaked with tears of disappointment, feeling like a loser, feeling forgotten and left by God. Oh… but did he have a plan for me! I remember being in prayer one day in my apartment, and I remember the presence of God was so strong, it felt like this big God, that I thought left me hanging, I now felt his presence wrapping me up in his arms! I’ve never felt his presence engulf my entire being! I didn’t hear an audible voice, I didn’t see a white dove come and land on me and say “Daughter I see you!” Instead, I had an encounter with him, that changed the course of my entire life! I will never forget that encounter! That encounter took that ugly spirit of depression right out of me! The guilt of not becoming what I thought I was to become and the shame of feeling useless was no longer haunting my thoughts in the middle of the night. 

To be continued…Life Expectations Pt. II