When it comes to life expectations, sometimes life doesn’t always go the way we’ve planned for it to go. We can plan our entire life, but at the end of the day, God’s plan is the one that will benefit us the most and sustain us! This is what I learned years later after submitting my will to his will, for my career. The career he had for me I was destined and graced to do. At the end of it all, “All things work together for the good, of those that love God.”  

Let’s rewind to where I left off in the previous blog…

Life Expectations Pt. 1

After receiving so many rejection emails, I felt rejected, I felt like I didn’t have what it takes to complete one of my life goals! My understanding of who I was, was intertwined with what I could accomplish outwardly. So you’d think that I would’ve got the picture to just move on. Being the type of determined person I am, I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop my pursuit of finding a job in the architecture and graphic design field, I was going to hold on until I could no longer hold on to this goal! I went for months and months applying for jobs that I thought could get my feet in the door. It was hard to shift direction, I invested years in college and I was not about to just give that up! After my encounter with God and being delivered from depression, I still had my mind focused on landing some type of job, that was related to architecture. As I continued my pursuit, I landed odd jobs, worked at books stores, worked at a radio station, and a couple of private schools. During this time, I still had this hunger and drive to land this job, no matter how long it took! 

You see at this time, my worth, who I was, and my value were merged with outward things I could do. Not getting the perfect career, the perfect job, or accomplishing certain goals by a certain age, made me feel like a failure. Especially with people and the world telling you, that by the age of 25-30, you need to be married, be in your career, and have kids a house, and a dog. With this almost crossing my mind daily, I put my journey into this rigid box. This box didn’t consider my calling, my assignment, or the timing of God that was specifically carved out for my personal journey. It made me feel like I missed the boat of a happy life. Like I was late, I was missing something or I was insignificant. Yes, I was a born-again Christian, yes I was filled and baptized with speaking in tongues with holy ghost fire, yet… I found myself in a place in life where I was deeply disappointed. You see my identity was married to what I could do! My identity was wrapped up in unrealistic expectations that I’d put on myself along with the world’s expectations. Rejection after rejection of not landing an architectural job, caused me to feel worthless. My identity was seriously misplaced. My identity was based on outward accomplishments, goals, to-do lists, and performances. Who I was, was so intertwined with what I could do, that I missed the importance of this scripture, “And this too shall pass.” 2 Cor. 4:17-18 The disappointment was my entire focus in that season. 

In my childhood I was the one who had a gazillion achievement awards, always listened to the teachers, etc. So I interpreted, that doing good things equated to who I was, by what I could perform. I do well, which meant I was good. I do horrible meant I was a horrible person. This is an immature and young mindset, that’s built off performance. This type of thinking is what sent me into depression. My identity was intercepted by works. This bled over into how I thought God thought about me too. You see how this can be dangerous in your walk with God. You base your works off of how well you are, or how horrible you must be by works. This mindset has nothing to do with obedience to God and your heart. You can do all the right things outwardly and your inner man can be wicked! I’m so glad the holy spirit illuminated this for me! Whew chile…

So not landing that job communicated to me, that I was a failure. What I didn’t realize at the time, is those were only chapters in my book of life, that was not the end of my story. Neither should this be the end of your story. Just because something didn’t work out for you in one season, doesn’t mean, that’s the end. It’s actually a road you can learn, gain wisdom and re-align those wheels of your journey to the assignment God has for you!

I know that experience strengthened me to keep moving forward regardless of what things may look like. Understanding this and submitting my career to God, shifted me into the career that he ordained and graced me to have. 

Experiencing what I thought was a great loss was setting me up for a great gain! What was that great gain? Truly understanding my worth has nothing to do with outward things. Understanding my value in being a child of God, was greater than my career, goals, accomplishments, relationship status, what I drive, and where I live is nothing compared to the value of “Who’s I am!” Now, are those things shunned, heck no, but valuing those things bigger than the will of God? Now that’s simply dangerous!

I am a child of God! Understanding that what we perceive as great loss is sometimes the biggest blessing in disguise for what God wants us to have. I thought I lost a great career that was connected to a great life. Little did I know, that the greatest life a believer can have is saying yes to the will of God for their life! My great disappointment showed me the lack of understanding I had of my identity. When you’re a doer, a person that can get things done, a person that can make things happen, if not careful. You’ll equate what you can do with “Who you are.” So when things don’t go right, you’ll easily marry that with who you are as a person. I failed at knowing this because my value, worth, and identity were in my own hands and my control.

I know now the importance of this scripture. “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Prov. 19:21 I’m grateful for what I’ve learned! I didn’t waste anything, if anything I’ve gained understanding, experience, and wisdom. I now know who I am, I now understand why I’m built the way I am, and I understand my strengths and how they apply to the kingdom! Understanding structures, foundations, buildings, and how things function has helped me in my walk with Christ! Now that I understood the separation between what I do from who I am, God sent me on a journey working in education after I submitted to his will during a specific prayer to him. And man it was not easy.